I’m here with my new stand-up show, ‘Socialist Fun-Times’. In fully communist Scotland, a country I am deeply in love with, a show with a name like that is a ludicrously easy sell. Especially because the few rightwingers that live here tend to disappear for August. I like to think they flee because they’re scared that the influx of art might make them fundamentally question their incorrect belief system. Sadly, in reality it’s because they can rent their house out for three times the monthly mortgage payments.
Anyway, it’s probably for the best that they leave. After all, 99 per cent of art is not made for them. Rightwingers get 50 Cent, Geri Halliwell and Phil Collins; the Left gets everything else.