(TFC) – Some cinematic automobiles evoke excitement and glamour; think of James Bond’s Aston-Martin or the sports cars in the Fast and the Furious movies. Others evoke fond childhood memories; remember the DeLorean from Back to the Future? Here are five cinematic cars you wouldn’t be caught dead in due to their unsightly and/or dangerous nature.
5. The Sloppy Jalopy (Sesame Street Presents: Follow That Bird)
In 1985, the cast of TV’s Sesame Street made a movie where a family of dodos adopted Big Bird. After he ran away, his friends tried to find him and bring him home to Sesame Street. Oscar the Grouch took his car, the Sloppy Jalopy, a worn-out, dirty open-topped runabout that looks like it’s about to fall apart.
4. The Dude’s 1973 Ford Grand Torino (The Big Lebowski)
Many of the cars that came out of Detroit in the Me Decade were not known for longevity or reliability, but this survives vandalism, theft, fire, and a crash. And it started out looking like a dump even before going through all of that.
3. The Ford Pinto (Top Secret!)
In this spoof of 1960s teen comedies and spy films, Val Kilmer plays an American teen idol stuck in East Germany in the early 1960s. Unlike the others, this is one car you could literally find yourself dead in—it explodes when another car gently taps it (which is rather a lot like real life, since the Ford Pinto’s fuel tank had a habit of rupturing and exploding).
2. The Shaggin’ Wagon (Dumb and Dumber)
A clunky 1984 Dodge van covered in fake fur to look like a sheepdog, Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels left Rhode Island in it to return a stolen briefcase to a strange woman. Along they way, they traded it in for a for a bicycle, which was actually a step up, and on that worked out well for them when they got to Aspen, Colorado, and used the money inside the suitcase to buy a new Lamborghini. Good things can happen to those who drive terrible cars.
1. Mater (Cars)
Sure, he may be funny in the movies, but think about it: how safe is a truck that’s rusted all the way through? Would you trust it even to get you around the block? It’d probably fall apart before you got halfway.
For every cinematic vehicle you truly want to drive, other disasters would drive you to tears or embarrassment or both (let’s be honest: it’s probably both). Whether they’re deathtraps or just ugly eyesores, it’s best to keep them in the movies and off the streets.